Energy is currency. Where, when, and on whom you spend it — matters.
“My ex-boyfriend is still shit talking about me two years after our breakup,” a friend wrote me yesterday. “How can I stop him?”
My response to her was this:
“Recently, I was walking to be with turtles when I happened upon two people after a fender bender. I didn’t understand their words because they were communicating in fast paced French but being someone interested in human behavior, I stopped to observe. The man was shaking his hands and yelling aggressively in the woman’s face. The woman was paling and shrinking as the man more deeply invaded her personal space.
I thought to myself, ‘I bet this is the man’s fault because he is trying too hard to convince her it’s not.’ I was right about that — the man got the traffic ticket.
Don’t waste any of your precious energies responding. Don’t let yourself wane, pale, or shrink. Feel into the unhealthy patterns you engaged in with that person. Of those, feel into the changes you want to make and will bravely do so because you are committed to a new or next relationship that will be different because you made yourself so. Then, put your energies into making those changes.
And know that whatever negative energies your ex is sending your way, those are energies he is NOT using to change and become the person he could be — if only he wasn’t shit talking.
The people who know you, know you.
Trust.”
Most everyone wants to find new heights within themselves. Some do that by the difficult, sometimes painful, stretch that comes with transformation. Others do it by shrinking others so that they can stay the same but feel taller, only by comparison of the person they seek to shrink.
Taller by comparison is only an illusion of taller.
It’s a choice.
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