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Recently, I wrote in my translation app, “Drive carefully. You are precious cargo to me.”

I hit enter and received from the app, “Conduce con cuidado. Eres una carga preciosa para mí.”  I was in a hurry to eat a fresh mango with my monkey hands for breakfast in the sea, so I cut and pasted these words into my messenger and hit send. 

Minutes later, Mi Amor sent this face back to me.    My heart soared at the cry of his romantic heart.

But then, later, I was in the translation app and accidentally pressed the reverse translation button for the very same words I’d sent previously, “Conduce con cuidado. Eres una carga preciosa para mí,” The app responded with the English translation of this phrase — “Drive carefully. You are a burden precious to me”.

Mi Amor and I call our English – Spanish – Caribbean dialect TORNADO.  Because of our cultural and language barriers, Mi Amor and I communicate by touch, energy, actions, and tone, more so than words.

In American culture, there is often an downloading of old records to a new partner or friend  as a means of wanting the other person to know and understand who we are. We tell the stories of our past, our patterns, problems, relationships, hurts, beliefs, and woes.  The landscapes of our relationships become primed this way so that we can resolve our past issues with the new partner.

Downloading your history to your partner only digs the grooves of these recordings deeper and from this, we don’t live in the present with someone new, we are living in the past with a next partner.

This is often referred to as trauma bonding which often leads to co-dependency.

Instead of sharing by way of words who you have been in the past, share with them by touch who you are today.

Abuse by psychological, physical, or verbal means is often followed by a period of shame on behalf of the perpetrator and the words, “I am sorry, I love you.” Especially if this abuse begins in childhood, this can lead to a confusing relationship between the abuse itself and the concept of love.

Imagine how you might act if your behavior was your only means of saying, “I love you”. For example, when Mi Amor is waiting for me outside his house to park his monster truck on his roller coaster driveway when I return from the beach, saying nothing of the salt crusted garb strewn about and Jimmy Buffet blaring from his stereo, I feel loved. When I jump from his truck with arms open wide and a big grin, to nuzzle into his neck, Mi Amor feels loved in return.

Imagine what it is to show someone that you love them only by the way that you touch them.

Imagine how you might want to act differently if your behavior can be construed as, “I don’t love you,” and you have no words to say otherwise.

Imagine how a dog might feel when it gets yelled at in a language that isn’t barking.

Imagine how a goat exudes I Love You without words.

Ask yourself, what am I communicating? To my spouse? My children? My neighbors? 

Are you continuing to inflict a cycle of energetic or verbal abuse inflicted at your Self? At the vulnerable you that desperately needs love that is not accompanied by shame or guilt?  Do you call yourself names? Do you diminish your worth? Do you invalidate your experiences? 

Start with changing the behaviors you direct at you, change them, and then notice that the overflow of your kindness, gentleness, patience, love, and passion overflowing to the people and animals that you love.